Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
