Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
