The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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