I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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