nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
