I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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