Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
