I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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