Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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