i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
