you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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