We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
