You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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