My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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