I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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