I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
