I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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