i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
