i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
