I hate your face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Too much gin, very little bucket
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
