And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
