I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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