who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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