If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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