people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
