Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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