there's paper in my vomit.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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