im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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