So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
