drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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