Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Drunk is not a location!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
