I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
