I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Michael Bay diarrhea
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
