Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
