we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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