Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
