I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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