i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
