im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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