Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
