my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
