these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can text with my tongue
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
