Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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