Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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