i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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