I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
