I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
