It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
