i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
