i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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