i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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