walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
