she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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