dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
