I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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