sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
