i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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