WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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