On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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