drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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