It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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