What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
