Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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