I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
