I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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