Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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