I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
