Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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