I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
