I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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