It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
