Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
