I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
