I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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