This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
