My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
