i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
