my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize